BSPH: Steve Vai - Bad Horsie

"Bad Horsie" is a composition by master of guitar arts Steve Vai. It was released in 1995 on an album titled "Alien Love Secrets". It is hard hitting riveting slow bone crunching blues stomp. The weirdest thing about this composition is that it is just that - very heavy slow bluesy blues. And nothing else. It is somewhat of an oddity in Vai's catalogue as it is more of a meandering rambling smoking jam than an actual composition. In fact - entire "Alien Love Secrets" album was conceived as a quick throwaway in-between bigger projects 1993 "Sex and Religion" and 1996 "Fire Garden".

And that what makes it so different from usual Steve Vai output. It is very raw, not exactly thought-through, intentionally unfocused and contains lots of needless "procedural" guitar equilibrism. Because why not? It is what it is. "Bad Horsie" is based around 4x4 grinding groove entwined with black hole ripping buzzsaw riff. It moves very slowly and apparently goes nowhere. There is not much progression - it goes back and forth around the riff with some eye fencing soloing. But what a soloing - Steve Vai is having fun and it is mesmerizing.

Solos have distinct "on the fly" feel. First he simply plays a melody. With some whirls and curls on the edges. Then more noises come in - slides, squeals, shrieks, wails - melody barely keeps itself together. Then the whole thing stops for a moment so that Steve could decide what to do next. After some "how about this and that and that ?" crunch-bop-ca-chew Vai indulges himself with some exquisite classic nonsensical shredding with sweeps, dives, harmonic rampages and tapping out of nowhere just because why not. The whole thing caps on with the main riff with additional flanging effect which make it seem even more ridiculous.

The arrangement is ridiculous. It is basic blues but turned to eleven. Because of that it feels violent and intimidating. Bass booms and twangs as if it were actually a distant earthquakes. Drums are hitting so hard they raise the dust clouds and beat the listener to the ground. Drums are ridiculously, even cartoonishly, massive. Each beat sounds like a turn of the screw inside the victims body accompanied by shrieks and squeals and squeaks coming from Steve Vai's guitar. If anything it is truly a dada hobbyhorse. There is even a wicked sample of a horse's "blah".

And it is perfect that way. There is not much substance but you can hear how Steve Vai is trying various things and goes on. That is something you can rarely hear. "Bad Horsie" grows naturally.


P.S.: "Bad Horsie" sound like something you expect to be a theme song for Metal Gear Rising.