Sylverster Stallone's Chaos Signature Pen and Watch

How much vanity one man can have? That's the question i was pondering for a moment or two after i have witnessed this thing. Then i felt emptiness and entitlement to tell my story.

It is a trailer for Sylvester Stallone signature pen and watch titled Montegrappa Chaos Limited Edition. It was made in 2013 by Montegrappa, an italian luxury accessory brand. And it is a beautiful piece in the most opposite manner possible.

A bit of background. In 2013 Sylvester Stallone was riding high on his successes with reviving Rocky in 2006, Rambo in 2008 and even starting a new franchise in a trilogy of Expendables movies. He also finally co-starred with Arnold Schwarzenegger in Escape Plan and even did a schlocky balls to the walls piece of pulp with Walter Hill. Finally, he was in talks with Ryan Coogler to return as Rocky in Creed. And in the middle of all this jazz he did this little shilly-shally.

The thing is, for the lack of the better world, eldritch. It is horrendous. It is ugly. It makes no sense. It is hard to understand what is the point of this whole thing and what Mr. Stallone has to do with it. In addition to that - it is also really hard to comprehend why this thing needs a trailer. Especially the one like this. It is a pen and watch presented by a celebrity - there is not much you can do in the trailer format with the stuff like that. But Mr. Stallone pulls off the impossible.

Instead of presenting a product or explaining the reason for its existence - the trailer drops bunch of stuff and summarizes it with a wham out of nowhere that barely has anything to with this pen and watch in particular or the very concepts behind these things.

This thing spawns perplexion, confusion and enbafflement. It is a rush of "huh?" and "why?" through your brain.

The trailer is narrated by Stallone which makes a bit dense verbally. The text captures Mr. Stallone musing on the nature of existence. Here's what he says, don't think too hard about it:

"To have light, there must first be darkness. Death does not exist without life. To have peace, war is required. To keep order, first there must be CHAOS.”

Chaos also happened to be the name of the pen because of course it is the name of the pen endorsed by Sylvester Stallone. It seems pretty obvious if you think about it. The design of the pen is a jumbled mess that will make your mind go blue screen of death if you try to unravel it.

After the bit of narration we get a kaleidoscope of wartorn imagery. There is computer generated skeleton lying on the ground, slowly disintegrating. There is a transitional shimmer splash and we see something resembling a monolith or a pillar or something like it. It is supposed to represent a pen. There is a skull on it because of course. Then a snake crawls from the river up the monolith-pen and sticks to it. And then there is a broadsword that is fencing on its own in the air because of course. And it all merges together in a form of a pen.

Then we get more close-ups of a computer-generated pen then human brain can processes with whooshes and swishes of transitions. It turns out that in addition to the skulls, snake and sword there is also a fist on top of it. A fist, a snake, a skull and a sword. There are words "exotic", "majestic" and "imposing" going over the images. Then there is knockout sentence: "The Power of the Written Word in Your Hands" and Mr. Stallone posing with this pen and a watch on his wrist. Look like it photoshopped there, but who knows. Maybe it really looks that unreal.

Whatever...

Here's what i feel about this thing. Sometimes you stumble upon a thing that makes so little sense any way you look at it - you just can't do anything but stuck fascinated out of morbid curiosity. That perfectly sums up this thing.