My take on James Bond

There is a question on Quora: If you were in charge of writing a new 007 novel: What's the title, plot & ending?

Here's my take.

Every Bond villain ever somehow escapes and Bond is forced to go get them back. He manages to do it but he is very exhausted and barely able to keep it together. Then he is assaulted by someone and severely beaten. While Bond is recuperating it turns out that he actually snapped and it was he who beat him up. That puts him out of commission which makes him very sad.

But life goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on…

Bond is in a groundhog day scenario but not exactly because in reality he is trapped in virtual simulation orchestrated by supercomputer. Kinda like X-men danger room but with a little help of a parasitic flower which overtakes the victims mind and shows them something happy and pleasant.

Bond sees his life without the spy part of equation. Wife, kids, 9–5 job, boredom, etc. By the end of the day these fantasies fall apart and so the scenarios get more and more outlandish (basically all title sequences mashed into one narrative) to the point it goes full Moonraker and then due cooling failure the plant freezes and Bond frees himself and finds himself in an endless labyrinth (based on a screensaver) but the power runs out and he finds himself to in an actual spaceship with a supercomputer and he is actually literally right before the sun and the ship is slowly melting while the supercomputer is crazy from the heat and experiences sudden bout of prostration.

Unable to find any solution to the situation - Bond goes into outer space and freezes himself. He floats for quite some time (around a millenia) and then gets defrosted by the next generation of MI-6 who because of all the catastrophes and civilization collapses are around the same technology level as in the Bond’s day and age.

Bond gets back into the groove and his first mission he goes investigate hostage situation orchestrated by former operatives. During a mission he finds out that the leader of the terrorists looks exactly like him.

And then it turns out that he is a clone of Bond.

However, upon disposing him Bond activates some sort of mechanism which blasts Bond through the universe until he is disintegrated.

He turns into dust that roams the universe until it gets to the noise of some fella. That fella sneezes and the whole world falls down as this was the man who was holding it. Now the blood cells of this man are trying to hunt down Bond within the body. Bond goes full Rambo on them but in the end - what’s the point of all of this again?